I AM A MUFFIN !

Since some readers appear to believe that a writer IS what they write about, today I’m going to write about muffins, because these same rule-makers say a person should write about what they know.  I am a muffin because I eat a LOT of muffins.

There are three kinds of breads: those that are leavened with yeast, those that are leavened with baking powder, and those that are not leavened at all.  A muffin is leavened with baking powder.  

One can bake any bread in an oven or drop it into hot fat.  “Indian” frybread is either baking powder or yeast-leavened dough that is cooked in hot fat and is generally made all over the world where there are no ovens, because of poverty or because of moving around all the time or because some people just like it better fried.  It’s suited to campfires or small stoves, though it’s possible to improvise a “Dutch” oven or reflector oven to bake on a campfire.  (The first being of cast iron with a rim on the lid so hot coals can be piled on, and the second generally sheet aluminum that folds conveniently flat.)  One can cook dough in one blob (loaves) or in a lot of little blobs, which is faster (buns and biscuits).  I’ve never tried to deep fry muffin dough.  One bakes them.

Here’s my basic recipe:  a cup of rough grain like oatmeal, All-Bran, corn meal, or any “cracked” porridge sort of stuff like cracked wheat or mixed grain or Roman Meal.  (I’ve never tried Cream of Wheat.)  Put it in a big bowl and pour in a cup of milk.  (Whole milk for growing kids, skim milk for old fat ladies.)  Let it soak while the oven warms to about 450.  Baking time is usually about twenty minutes or a little more.

While that’s happening, put some kind of vegetable oil in a measuring cup -- a quarter to a third of peanut, olive, or other healthy oil.  Break in two eggs -- most recipes want one, but I like two -- and stir it briskly with a fork or wire whip.  When the basic mush is soft, mix in the egg/oil.  

Using the now-empty cup, add a half-cup or more of some kind of fruit.  Since I’m diabetic and apples or oranges make my blood glucose go up, I prefer berries.  When fresh cranberries are on the market, I freeze some bags of it.  Before throwing it into my mix, I generally run them in the food processor to break them up and then store them by the half-bag in the freezer.  Blueberries, raspberries, and so on are very good.  You can use scissors to snip up dried apricots or prunes.  I tried a third of a cup of sugarless jam (raspberry in this case) and it worked fine.  There are recipes that use applesauce or banana, but even sugarless applesauce makes my blood sugar go up and I like my bananas with peanut butter as an open-faced sandwich on “store bread.”  Dried cherries are great if you can find any that aren’t full of sugar.  Maybe dates?

You could probably include peanut butter.  Certainly a half-cup or so of peanuts or any other kind of nut is desirable.  How finely cut they are is up to the consumer, but it if using big chunks of stuff, it might be a good idea to go to a paper baking muffin cup liner.  I like chopped walnuts with cranberries, sliced almonds in oatmeal, chopped filberts in anything, but have never tried pecans or macadamia nuts -- they probably would work.  Coconut would work, but might trigger glucose.  Poppyseeds, lovely.  One important inclusion for us oldsters with (ahem) internal traffic issues is flax seeds, which are supposed to be more effective as a source of vitamins if they are whirled in a coffee grinder.

Then add to your big bowl a cup of flour mixed with two teaspoons of baking powder.  Fancy people use a sifter.  I spread the flour on top, then sprinkle on the baking powder.  I hate washing dishes.  Fold rather than stir.  As little as possible.   I use no sugar or salt.  Other people may want Splenda or -- if no sugar problems -- honey or molasses.  I like to add cocoa powder and hot chocolate powdered mix would be sweet.  Liquid flavorings, including vanilla, are fun to experiment with.  Rum, brandy, hazelnut, lemon.  I suppose the kind of stuff they put in coffee would be good and, in fact, coffee itself is lovely flavoring.  (I like to tease the barristas by asking for coffee-flavored coffee.  Only some of them laugh.)   I can get a little crazy with the pumpkin pie spices.

Some people put meat in a “savory” muffin.  Fry up bacon and crumble it into the batter, or cut up cooked sausage or hot dogs into tidbits and after the batter is put into the muffin compartments, stick them into the batter.  Nice to put hot dogs in cornmeal mix.  If going the “savory” route, one could replace fruit with grated zucchini or chopped olives.  Good for packed lunches.  Grated cheese?

I used my mother’s “heritage” muffin tin which was sticky until I wised up, dumped sentiment and bought a new nonstick pan.  I use cooking spray in addition.  I haven’t tried silicone yet.  The tin will need to cool before it’s easy to get the muffins out in one piece, but I always take the first one with a spoon into a dish with butter as a kind of test case.   No butter on my muffin after that. I never eat more than two or three a day -- widely spaced -- and refrigerate or freeze the rest in a ziplock with a paper towel folded up in it to soak up any moisture that would encourage mold.

Obviously the advantage of muffins is their tolerance of inclusions in the batter. I like being able to vary it all the time.  Diets can be a big bore.  If an idea goes badly wrong (licorice muffins?), there’s no big loss and it doesn’t take long to start over.  You don’t have to read a can to tell what’s in a muffin you made yourself.  I’d really like scones or fry bread more, but those are rare treats now, like a lot of other stuff.  

For an absolutely maniacal set of suggestions, go to:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tcR19y7GPM    People who eat muffins are not cupcakes.

The web is full of muffin recipes.  The grocery stores have a lot of pre-mixed and boxed muffin mixes.  I used to like a cornbread mix that came with an actual foil pan in the box but I haven’t seen it around for a long time.  Read the labels.  You might be shocked.

What I do is not cooking by recipe but rather by principle and practice, which is the way it’s been done since meat was first skewered to hold over a fire and tubers were baked in a pit with a fire burning on top.  But some people enjoy “proper” cookbooks.  So what kind of muffin are you?