April Fools Day

What better date than April Fools’ Day to begin experimenting with something that has as goofy a name as a “blog?” Imagine a fat old lady in a tiny prairie village (pop. 300 plus), getting along on social security with two cats the size of ground hogs. Believe she has a fancy University of Chicago education, used to ride a horse well enough to herd buffalo, used to be a dog catcher, and is known by most people around here (at least on the Blackfeet reservation) as an English teacher. Make that a FORMER English teacher.

The real plan is to write a book. That’s easy. Trying to publish it -- that may turn out to be impossible. How to avoid panic? Join a DVD-by-mail club. Weed the flower beds. Get up in the night to post a blog and read the east coast newspapers which are posted online about 3AM.

Academic listservs were the original plan but they’ve gone from a high boil to simmer. People are guarding their jobs -- those who have tenure -- and hoping for jobs. Can’t afford to sound contentious or opinionated. Mustn’t let an obscenity or politically incorrect thought slip in.

But if you’re an old fat retired woman in a woolly nightgown and a 3X men’s fleece shirt out on the prairie where - if you go outside -- the stars still cram down tight around your shoulders, where coyotes can be heard and last summer two grizz cubs were playing on the irrigation dam at the supper club on the edge of town -- we WERE surprised! -- and if you have a futuristic egg-shaped white and crystal computer, well, then you have lots to say and the means to say it. Maybe even an obligation.

The joke is that this is all true. Believe it.