This is three times as long as usual. It is one of six examples in my book about liturgy. In this example, the pastor must be the “unmoved mover” in an unprecedented situation. It is relevant that he is not guided by theological dogma, but by the needs of his parishioner.
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The officiant or celebrant, the liturgist, normally leads the congregation through a familiar set of steps, a predictable arc of emotion, but once in a while comes an event that exceeds the pattern and draws on the liturgist’s powers of improvisation. The example that follows is from a journal of pastoral care in the Seventies. He carefully reports the decisions he made and what resources he drew on.
This is an outline of a ceremony created by a pastor who had been scheduled to do a conventional wedding which was prevented by the death of the groom in an early morning car crash on the appointed day. The bride insisted that she wanted to be married anyway, though her mother and most everyone else thought it was a crazy, if not heretical, idea. The pastor, who had done considerable pre-marriage counseling with the couple, judged that this bride was sincere and needed the closure. Therefore he agreed, but he thought carefully about what to do and why. For instance, he wore every “high ceremonial” garment he had in order to mark the high significance and legitimacy of the moment.
A WEDDING OF LIFE AND DEATH
(The titles are mine, the words are those of the liturgist. He capitalizes “Pastor.”)
1. CROSSING THE THRESHOLD
An ad hoc ritual unfolded in the parlor where the body lay. (It could be said that the movement from the waiting room, across the threshold, into the parlor was a ritual act itself, the basic ingredient of which was the supportive hold of the Pastor and the walk side by side to the point of particular crisis.)
2. PLACEMENT BY THE COFFIN
Maree stood alongside the Pastor at the coffin and the Pastor maintained a ritual presence with her. There was not only emotional and theological need to support her: there was physical need, too. Both she and the Pastor were aware of the fact that she felt faint with emotional intensity. The Pastor stood alongside of her in a ritual stance that expressed sympathy and empathy with her. . .
3. RITUAL ADDRESS
Maree then began a ritual dialogue with her fiancee: she spoke out her feelings toward him. She held his hand while she did this and she spelt out in reverent tones and in a surprisingly composed frame of mind her feelings for him and what their relationship had meant for her.
4. PUTTING THE RING ON THE FINGER
Then came the moment when she placed the ring on his finger. After a little inquiry as to what the Pastor thought was the most appropriate thing to do (she was casting him in the role of ritual expert and was trusting him to ensure ritual propriety and completeness, which are important elements in producing peace of mind and a sense of achievement), she proceeded as the ritual functionary to place the ring on his finger. . . . The whole event provided a tying of a tourniquet which sealed off satisfactorily for the time being so much of her longing and emotive desire.
5. PLEDGE OR VOTUM OR VOW
As she placed the ring on the finger, she spoke a meaningful accompanying votum: “Mark, this is to indicate everything that our marriage has meant for us.”
6. KISS
Then she kissed the head of the corpse in a dignified way. . . The kiss was not sustained, but it was accompanied by what the Pastor thought was appropriate crying without any sign of hysteria. All the while the Pastor was maintaining his supportive hold. Then, when she had exhausted what for her was a sufficient time of physical contact with him, she withdrew of her own volition. (Earlier in the ritual she had become physically weak and had said, “I just wish this heart of mine wouldn’t beat so fast.” The Pastor had interrupted the proceedings at that point and suggested, “why don’t we sit down for awhile, while you take a few deep breaths.” When she recovered, she resumed without further interruption.)
7. CHANGING POSITION TO NEW RELATIONSHIP.
To conclude the ritual she went, now unaided, to the opposite side of the coffin, affecting a significant change in ritual grouping, placing the Pastor in a new ritual role. He now saw himself over against her, and her alongside her fiancée.
8. COMPOSITE PRAYER
a. 23rd Psalm
Because he had the feeling he was meeting the need of Maree who had on another occasion requested prayer, the Pastor said, “Would you like me to say a prayer before we go?” . . . The prayer the Pastor used was a composite prayer. It contained first of all the 23rd Psalm. This Psalm was chosen first because its movement resonated so well with the movement of the fiancée’s relationship with Maree, with the graph of the recent events, and with the hopes the Pastor held out for her. The Psalm -- like their pre-marital relationship -- begins on a high plateau for its first verses, then drops into a “valley experience” (paralleling the tragedy) and emerges into a scene of hope and blessedness. The Pastor chose the Psalm also because he realized that it is a well-known Psalm and Maree would be the more easily “touched” by a familiar biblical quote at that emotionally-charged juncture. He realized too that the Psalm has a long history of use in situations where people have needed comfort and sustenance, and that it depicts much about God’s pastoral care of His people. The Psalm was a “constant”; i.e. long-standing, continuing, traditional element in the ad hoc ritual.
b. Free Prayer
Thanks: The second component in the Pastor’s prayer was a free prayer, the first paragraph of which was a prayer of thanks in which he took pains to gather the details of the rewarding and enriching relationship that Maree and her fiancee had enjoyed. Maree had spelt out these details in the statement she had made to her fiancée. The Pastor had made a mental note of these details and he had gathered them as the substance of his paragraph of thanks. In that context the details served both to commemorate and celebrate the relationship for Maree.
Supplication: The next segment of the free prayer was the gathering of Maree’s needs in supplication. These, too, the Pastor had stored in his memory as they came to light in the counseling ministry for Maree. They included divine companionship, support, nurture, reassurance, guidance, understanding, comfort in sorrow.
Commendation: The next component of the free prayer was a commendation of the fiancée, very similar to the classical commendations of the burial services. This, too, was a “constant” element in the rite and it provided ritual finality to the course that the dead man had been precipitated into.
c. Lord’s Prayer in Unison
Then the Pastor used the Lord’s prayer, again a “constant” component in a rite, and one which he felt sure Maree would be able to participate in. She did, and with reverence and even fervor. Because of the familiarity of the prayer, she could immerse herself in it.
9. AARONIC BENEDICTION
The final verbal feature in the rite was the Aaronic benediction. To symbolize the unity that Maree felt with her fiancée, and to give visible expression to the fact that, in Christ’s death had no power even to separate the living from the dead, the Pastor placed on hand on Maree’s bowed head and one on the head of the corpse, and pronounced the benediction, which he felt would have salutary benefit for her.
10. SIGN OF THE CROSS
He made the sign of the cross at the close of the benediction to transcribe in “shorthand” the victory over death which Christ’s liberating and redeeming death on the cross has achieved. (In his earlier explanation of the funeral rite he had explained the significance of consignation.)
11. DISMISSAL
His words of dismissal, “Go in peace,” sealed off the one event, the contemplative and commemorative viewing, and set Maree upon a course toward the next event which lay in the future.
12. SECOND KISS AND RE-CROSSING THE THRESHOLD
Maree then kissed her fiancée farewell and, together with the Pastor, left the parlor, again unaided by his physical support, but with him very much at her side.
REFLECTIONS ON A "RITE OF JOINING"
Let us begin by noting what the pastor says about why he chose the 23rd Psalm: “because its movement resonated so well with the movement of the fiancée’s relationship with Maree , the graph of the recent events, and the hopes the Pastor held out for her.” “The Psalm . . . begins on a high plateau for its first verses, then drops into a “valley experience” . . . and emerges into a sense of hope and blessedness.” This is the arc of the liturgy into which the pastor fits his “beats”.
Maree enters and bravely addresses Mark in that liminal space where everyone is equal. Even the line between life and death is ignored. (The feeling underlying is loving encounter.) She puts the ring on Mark’s finger. (The key symbol of marriage or at least union of some sort.) The Pastor picks up the line of thought and synthesizes meaning into a course for the future. (He enables the process of saying goodbye and leaving.) The three underlying plates [I use the metaphor of tectonic plates.] are approach, merging, and withdrawal, like any “in-gathering” ceremony. [Examples offered elsewhere include the water-mingling ceremony and Capek’s Flower Communion.] This is the pattern of a wedding: the bride approaches down the aisle, the couple is joined, and they go back up the aisle, transformed. It is also the pattern of love-making.
There are many three-part sub-sections to this ritual, though not referring to the doctrine of the Trinity. The “composite prayer” is in three parts (23rd Psalm, free prayer, and the Lord’s Prayer) and so is the “free prayer” of thanks, supplication and commendation. The overall three-part pattern is echoed internally by smaller three part sequences. It might be interesting to look for similar ceremonies in other cultures that use the four directions, the six directions, or the simple circle as structural logic.
The rhythm is rather like walking: stasis, going out of balance, regaining balance -- in a chain with sub-sequences (foot flat, then flexed, then lifted) -- all of which tend to carry one forward but sedately, like coming down the aisle. Another helpful analogy is wave-action on a beach: the withdrawal of one wave helps give shape to the energy of the next. Each has a unique form which is a version of a form in common. Pulses of tension and release become rather like the best of music or poetry. It is repetition containing progress, even transformation.
Maree comes into the room and physically and emotionally goes close to Mark, to the point where it is almost unbearable to her. Then, unprompted and spontaneously, she moves to a new position, responding to her own inner “felt concepts” but still needing confirmation of correctness from her liturgical guide. She knows inside when she is approaching, when she is actually fused emotionally (putting the ring on the finger), and when she is ready to withdraw. She is the only person who really knows what these internal shifts feel like, but it is possible to “read” her body, even in very small ways like changes in her posture.
The leave-taking portion of the ritual is much more ceremonial and Maree guides it not at all. She simply gives the cue for it and then receives it from the minister. It is more theological, as opposed to the personal messages of the first half, and simply liturgical, as is appropriate for increasing distance. The phrase the Pastor uses is “ritual finality.” Real unity is replaced by symbolic unity and resignation. The concreteness and physical pain of grief begins to be abstracted and bound up in symbols that can be moved aside to make room for new life.
Within the largest wave action -- approaching, fusing and leaving -- is a regular alternation of act (entering), speaking (the address), act (the ring on the finger), speaking (pledge), act (kiss). This constitutes the approach “plate” or “felt concept.” Maree does something, then assimilates or expresses it. She sets the pace because she is the only one who knows how much she can bear.
When Maree changes position and becomes passive, the pastor takes the initiative. His rhythm is different: a formal known element (23rd Psalm), a spontaneous element (his free prayer), a known formal element (the Lord’s Prayer), a spontaneous element (placing his hands on the heads), a known formal element (the Aaronic blessing: “The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee, the Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace. “), two spontaneous elements (The Pastor signs the cross, Maree gives a second kiss, and then the two leave together).
Probably these two people, even the Pastor, had no consciousness of controlling this rhythm because it was so natural. The order comes organically from their focus on meaningful image. Maree’s “key” seemed to be the ring to put on the finger, so naturally her sequence depended on an alternation with an act. For the Pastor the “key” was probably the 23rd Psalm, so that the alternation was in terms of known formal prayers. The Aaronic benediction combined his formal words with a spontaneous reaching out to put his hands on the two heads. It must have seemed a very natural gesture, with the two people side-by-side, and a necessary expression of the Pastor’s own feelings. After all, he also deserved closure and reassurance.
Valery says, “The poetic player can choose his game: some prefer roulette, others chess.” There is an element of chance in every worship event, though we often seem intent on eliminating it. The value of this “viewing rite” is that it illustrates the great power of spontaneously shaping the event out of what is present, and how much freedom the liturgist can afford if the worshiper is well-known and a familiar body of materials is shared. Other factors that allowed so much chance-taking were the high level of trust between the minister and Maree and the intimate moments both of them had shared with the dead fiancée.
The dead body becomes a symbol for the living person. The minister is playing chess, adjusting every move he made to what Maree did. He trusted the over-all movement of the ceremony to take shape out of his personal sensitivity and resources responding to Maree’s clear intent to put the ring on Mark’s finger.
There was always the chance that Maree might have gone out of control. if she had, the game would have suddenly become roulette. The one moment of being overwhelmed by her beating heart was shaped by a little ritual: sitting down and taking deep breaths. The Pastor is also conscious of the ceremonial aspect of the way he physically supports Maree, echoing the bride clinging to her father’s arm, though he doesn’t say so. He DOES say he is acting as a “loving father.”
In a less restrained society Maree might have knelt, thrown herself on the body, or even “keened” without being considered hysterical. Those more colorful ways of shaping and containing feelings are no less valid, but it is important to reconcile the need for expression of emotion with the need to “do the right thing,” to be ceremonially proper. In our culture we are used to relieving emotional pressure slowly, mostly by talking, instead of using explosive and exhausting physical expression.
Maree makes her personal testimony with great effectiveness. Even the Pastor is testifying to what he saw in the living couple, though his prayer comes closer to witnessing. In our ordinary church ceremonies we seem conflicted about how to use personal testimony -- as though it somehow weren’t quite so real as the scripture or a hymn, or as though it were in poor taste and might lead to chaos. Personal testimony is always roulette.
Some might argue that testimony is more legitimate in this intimate setting than in a Sunday morning service with a full congregation. Yet every time there is a national tragedy the media is full of personal testimony and people on the streets pause to testify about what they witnessed. It is a particularly important element in funerals, though the Pastor will need to shape them some way.
Too much roulette and not enough chess can defeat the patterning necessary for closure. A Pastor without these formal strategies of control is no Pastor at all.
We can draw several formal principles from this ritual:
1. Close knowledge of the worshipper and close observation of the actual worship is invaluable in supplying guidance about what materials to use in what order.
2. The minister and the worshipper need a shared vocabulary and a “library” of familiar resources in common. However moved the liturgist may be, he must never be swept into the emotion of the worshipper. He has a task and must keep a clear head.
3. Natural emotional and aesthetic rhythm will carry the worship forward if it is dynamic and focused. These are the forces that tap into the unconscious.
4. The most effective focus for worship is a concrete act -- such as putting the ring on the finger. But an act is practical, existing in the real world, and the feasibility of it must be considered.
5. Worship has the power to shape and transform strong emotion if it is appropriate and coherent. In other words, not only is it possible to draw the order of the worship itself out of the situation, but the worship has the reciprocal effect of re-ordering the lives of the worshippers. This is the work done on the “neuronal brain workspace” that allows reconciliation and personal claiming of the forces.
6. The order of the worship event does not come of an arbitrary order of service, but out of the sensitive articulation of “felt concepts,” both personal and cultural, and their expression in carefully chosen materials. The material culture of marriage meets the material culture of the funeral. I wish the Pastor had told us what she wore: bridal gown or black dress? I suspect -- and hope -- that for her it was the white gown and that the groom was wearing his wedding suit. But they were, after all, in a funeral parlor which has a strong sensory content. We’re not told anything about a coffin. It is the ring and the kisses that hold the ultimate symbolic power.
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